My occasionally snarky thoughts on everything from motherhood, politics, life and current events. Cocktails are sometimes mandatory. Bottoms up!

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Here's hoping everybody had a good time...

Hangover Ratings Guide

One-Star Hangover: No pain. No real feeling of illness. Your sleep last night was a mere disco nap which is giving you a whole lot of misplaced energy. Be glad that you are able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 10 sodas and still feel this way. Even vegetarians are craving a steak bomb and a side of gravy fries from any truck stop USA.

Two-Star Hangover: No pain. Something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you have the attention span and mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you chug to try and remain focused is only exacerbating your rumbling gut, which is craving a rootie tootie fresh and fruity pancake breakfast from IHOP. Last night has wreaked havoc on your bowels and even though you have a nice demeanor about the office, you are costing your employer valuable money because all you really can handle is surfing internet porn and writing junk e-mails.

Thee-Star Hangover: Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely a space shot and so not productive. You have the attention span of a gnat. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the random gin shots you did with your alcoholic friends after the bouncer 86'd you at 3:45 a.m. Life would be better right now if you were in your bed with a dozen donuts and a meatball sub watching the E! fashion awards. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 Snapples and a liter of Diet Coke - yet you haven't peed once.

Four-Star Hangover: Life sucks. Your head is throbbing and you can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you missed an oh-so crucial spot shaving, (girls, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars) your teeth have sweaters, your eyes look like one big vein and your hair style makes you look like a reject from the class picture of Revere High, '76. You would shoot your mother for one or all of the following:
1. The clock to strike 6pm
2. The entire appetizer list from TGI Fridays
3. A time machine so you could go back and NOT have gone out the night before.

Five-Star Hangover (a/k/a Dante's 4th Circle of Hell): You have a second heartbeat in your head (exacerbated by 6 bouts of the dry heaves) which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pour and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva, so your tongue is suffocating you. You'd cry but that would take the last of the moisture left in your body. Death seems pretty good right now. Your boss doesn't even get mad at you and your co-workers think that your dog just died because you look so pathetic. You should have called in sick because, let's face it, all you can manage to do is bitch about your state - which is a mystery to you because you definitely don't remember who you were with, where you were, what you drank and why there is a stranger still sleeping in your bed, unaccompanied, at your house. The only thing you can do is pass out. It's when you wake up a few hours later with a lesser star hangover that you eat a large pizza, an order of Kung Pao Chicken, a ham and cheese omelet and a batch of Rice Krispie Treats.


Fortunately, I am not feeling any of these. Par usual, I am hangover free this morning. Hope all y'all are too.

Saturday, September 29, 2007

So, a guy walks into a bar...

Harvey's got the 411 on all of the rules and such, Tammi has a crash pad ready to roll, Pamibe designed the logo, and hey - it's Contagion's Birthday. Doesn't get any better than that!

So here - to start the festivities, a couple of jokes...

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of drinkin' fools. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back."

The room is quiet and no one takes of the Texan's offer. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later, the same Irishman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder.

"Is your bet still good?", asks the Irishman.

"Hell, yeah!" Said the Texan and he asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness.

Immediately, the Irishman tears into all 10 pints of beer, drinking them all back-to-back.

The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits down in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and asks, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?"

The Irishman replies, "Oh... I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first."


Hmmmmm.... Sounds like something Contagion would do, actually. Getting paid to drink guinness?? That's a win/win right there.

And no party would be complete with out Bubba and Earl...

Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud. The passenger, Bubba, said, "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a po-lice roadblock! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!"

"Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat."

"What fer?" asked Bubba.

"Just let me do the talkin', OK?" said Earl.

Well, they finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat, and each put a label on their forehead. When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin'?"

"No sir," Earl said. "We're on the patch."


Y'all drive safe out there. Ya hear? Party on!

Friday, September 28, 2007

Generations of fun!

We were lucky this week to play host to WxMan's Dad, Dad's lovely Wife, and WxMan's Grandmother.

Now GG? She's a hoot! And back in the day, she was quite the bowler. While she was here - via the magic of Wii technology - she was quite the bowler once again...

Almost every evening she would throw down the gauntlet, "Now, Richmond - you need to get down here so I can kick your butt! Leave those dishes for later!"

Heh. Sometimes the level of technology we enjoy today astounds me. This was definitely one for those times. Who could have envisioned the span of invention from 1919 to 2007? And GG has lived it... Wow.

And then I wonder how things will be when *I* am in her position... Boggles the mind.

(And just between you and me? She's a damn good bowler. She really did kick all of our butts. Heh.)

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Ch- ch- ch- Choices....

Time to make a change. Ch- ch- choices...

[Sorry - that tune has been in my head all morning. Had to share...]

Finally, after the many years that "Daddy's Chair" has been an institution at our house, Mom's getting *her* own chair. Hooray!

I have chosen the style of chair but am torn between two fabrics - that's where y'all come in. You have seen the pictures of my house - what do you think?

The rather funky geometric pattern?

Or the somewhat more formal floral (similar to what I have now)??

I am just excited that the chair will be MINE! MINE I tell you! Bwahahahaha... Maybe I will even make time to sit in it - you think?

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

I got nuthin'...

Except oodles and scads of errands to run and projects to work on...

[And interestingly, spell check recognizes "oodles" and "scads" as words. Huh.]

What do YOU have going on?

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Taking the day off...

Well, as much as I ever do anyway.

Two thirds of my company headed for home this morning and I am just going to putter and get the house back together. I have a good book, hot soup, and a comfy chair.

It's time for a lazy day.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Lucky Number Thirteen...

Though I must admit, most days I feel more blessed than lucky...

And today we have oodles and scads of things going on... Some things fun, some things not so much - that's the way life is, isn't it??

It's been a very busy weekend. Lots of laughter, a few tears, friends, family, food... All of the good stuff. And I feel so very lucky blessed that I have it all to share with that handsome guy in the picture.

Life is good.

Friday, September 21, 2007

Eleven Years Ago Today...

...I became a Mom. And oh what a trip it's been! I can't believe how much Computa has grown...

And just look at her now. Where did the time go??

Happy Birthday, Sweetie!! You're on your way!!! And I couldn't be more proud...

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

A word on entertaining...

You know, I like to entertain. I like it a lot. So much so that we throw a couple of big parties every year.

Like for the Fourth of July (that's an annual gig), the Oscars (another annual gig that's going to ROCK this year), Halloween, Easter, and then an assortment of get togethers just because I feel like it...

It's fun and I like to feed people! And I am pretty sure that people like to be fed!

I am learning, however, that this is not necessarily the norm here in the new neighborhood...

Most of the people have been pleasant. A few even nice... But several have been wearing a demeanor of thinly veiled malice/jealousy/bitchyness/ I don't know what... Like the lady who commented in a very snide tone of voice after the sod went in...
"Well... You just got an insta lawn, didn't you!! You're just insta people!"

And all I wanted to say was "Well, wait until you check out my insta-fence, Bitch. Get off of my grass... I cannot help it if you decided to to with the seed and hope for the best method at your house. Leave me alone. "

And there have been other snide remarks made. Why folks can't just be happy with what they have is beyond me... But I digress.

Back to entertaining.

So the norm, it appears around here, is that the men all gather on somebody's driveway on a Friday or Saturday night** to drink beer and shoot the breeze. And the women throw parties...

My kind of party?? Food? Beverage? Chit chat?? Oh hell no... Sales parties.

Jewelry, "Christmas at Home," Candles... you get the idea. And I *hate* them. Always have... I will go if it's a good friend and they need my support *OR* if it's something I am really into (I was recently invited to a virtual Pampered Chef party - fabulous!!). But in this case, I am going as an emissary - we are new to the neighborhood, and you gotta do what you gotta do. Even if you don't like it.

So, not too bad you say?? Shopping? Other women?? Food? Beverage??

, if it were at *my* house (which will NEVER happen) it would be a great time. I guarantee it. But take for example what the hostess at the aforementioned Lia Sophia Jewelry Party said to Sporta and I at her gig.
Hostess Gal: (after an hour and 15 minutes into the party/shpiel) "Hey, would you like something to drink? Water? Diet Coke? And we have a few snacks over there..." [indicating the corner recesses of her kitchen]

Me: "No, thank you - I am fine for the moment..." (Thinking, "Good Lord Woman, I have been here for over an hour with the offer of *nothing*, I think I can make it my last 7 minutes... ")

Sporta (who was invited): "Miss Hostess Gal? Would it be okay if *I* had something to eat??"

HG: "Well, since your mom isn't eating, I guess it would be okay."

(Let me for a moment stress that... "since your mom isn't eating, I guess it would be okay..." WTF??? Are you f*cking kidding me?? What the hell is the matter with you??)
Me: (shocked and horrified and trying to keep a neutral expression on my face) "Sporta, you may have one thing. ONE. And we are leaving in 3 minutes..."

I do not understand people. My God...

But this weekend, it's my turn. And I intend to show them how it's done.

We have some company arriving on Friday (WxMan'd Dad, his lovely wife, and Grandma) and on Sunday I am having the house blessed. It's going to be a great time! (Can't wait to hear the blessing of the bar area, particularly...) And since I am having folks over from the church for a nice lunch, I have decided to just do a neighborhood open house as well - what the heck. In for a penny, in for a pound. Right?

And I am not even going to ask them to buy anything. A novel concept...

Long post - I know. But what post around here would be complete without a few pictures. Like of the gorgeous "insta" fence!

I am Loving it!

**And hey - ask me if the Driveway Beer Club has ever invited WxMan over for a cold one. Wanna guess??

Not once.

And that's fine. For one, WxMan doesn't give a rat's ass about the hows and whys of so-and-so's new Ice Shanty. Or where and who killed the best duck. Cares not one whit.

For two - the man room is DONE and ready for occupation.

What guy wouldn't be happy down there?? It makes *me* happy for heaven's sake!!

And here - just for the hell of it, is a picture of me, your hostess. (Taken at the old house last May?)

Come on in and help yourself. Lord knows we have plenty!
And now it's time for me to get to work - I have company coming after all...

Monday, September 17, 2007

A Post...

About posts!

Take a look! I have some...

As Robert Frost once wrote, "Good fences make good neighbors."


I am so thrilled it's getting done. Not that I don't *like* the neighbors... (Okay - so I am not crazy about a few of them.) I like boundaries. And not having to worry about the doggies scaring the crap out of somebody or getting hit by a car.

Fences are my friend. :)

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Happy Birthday ROSES!!

Whoohoo!! And a happy day I hope it was. I have a little song for you - one of my favorites. And it always brings a smile to my face...

I wish you many many more happy birthday's and years to come. And back up singers when you need them. :)

Friday, September 14, 2007

Happy Birthday Mr. Bad Example!!

It's time again to wish the Blogfather himself a very Happy Birthday!! So...

Happy Birthday Harvey!!

Here is your present! I am thinking it's around an E cup...

Since he was so very kind to make a specific gift request...

My birthday is September 14th. I'll be turning 41.

On Friday, I will have a post up that you can link to to help me celebrate.

This year's theme... Boobs.

Specifically adult human female breasts.

It made *my* job easier. After all, he didn't specify what the adult human female breasts should be made of. (It's chocolate cake, btw. Yummy!) And because he lives relatively nearby, I was able to hand deliver his mamarian gift. I hope it tasted as good as it looked...

So again, Happy Birthday Harvey! TNT is a very lucky lady and you are well loved. :^) I wish you a fabulous 41st year and many more happy birthdays to come!!

And I must give a Hat Tip to my MIL who unknowingly provided me with the means to make such a boobalicious confection. Thanks Loretta!

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Painting painting painting...

But not by me! : ) I am in the glorious position of just telling them where and what color. I am giddy! Giddy!! I tell you!

'Course I might just be a little loopedteeloo from the fumes. So there's that.

So for lack of anything intelligent to post, here are some pictures - now in COLOR! Whoohoo!

I think the "oriental red" and "blonde" complement each other quite nicely - it's hard to capture in a picture though. And keep in mind that the flash makes the colors brighter (Meaning more red and yellow) than they are in real life...

Nothing like putting holes in a new wall to make you feel like you're making progress...

This is what the "clary sage" looks like in the front library room. It has a bit of a bluish tinge to it, but I love the restful nature of the color.

The "Library Room" is the first room you see as you walk into the house. Restful and Relaxed is a good first impression, I think.

And this is the Master Bedroom - currently in progress. The green is the *exact* same green as the front room - interesting how different lighting makes for a different looking color. I love it!

And I will love it even more when it dries and I can move all of the furniture back into place. It's the guest room for me tonight, Baby!

And as I promised, here is the neon that WxMan picked out that we compromised on...

True dat... Bar's open!

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Six Years Later...

And and the lessons and emotions from that day are woven into the fiber of my being.

Six Years Later - I remember...

Via Tammi I read Raging Mom's feelings about today. You should too - she is quite a lady.

Update: And per Tammi's suggestion, go read ArmyWife's post as well.

My girls have been asking about the "hows" and "whys" of that day. I plan to watch United 93 with them tonight. I will not forget. And I will ensure that my girls know about the heroes that gave their all...

Monday, September 10, 2007

Things I thought I would *never* hear...

"So, you wanna go hang up that neon light???"
Yeah - pictures to follow. Provided we don't f*ck it all up...

Wanna guess what is says??

A little Monday funny and Tales from the Weekend...

It's a gray and dreary day here today - perfect Monday weather, you know? And I thought we could all use a little laugh. : )

The Painters are scheduled to arrive in a bit to begin working on the foyer thereby ensuring that my *jealous* neighbors have good reason to continue to hate me. I say they're nucking futs and should just get over themselves. Being snotty to me is soooooo not a good way to get invited to dinner or to play... Oh, and the fence goes up this week too. So HA!

Anyhoo, lots going on. Even more to do... But my weekend was FANTASTIC!

I got to spend the weekend cooking and laughing with the sweet and sassy Christina!! Who came up to play even though the "friendly skies" weren't being so friendly. The timing couldn't have been any better for a good girlfriend retreat, especially given the week she had had just before our scheduled visit. And we applied the KISS rule in every way. Keep it simple. Relax. Eat well. Laugh much. Dang near whip your shirt off if someone spills beer on the new carpet. (That was a close call.) And did I mention laugh?? We laughed....

The great thing about Christina coming to visit (besides the obvious "Yay!" part) is the level of getterdone motivation she brought to this household. The builder guy was motivated. The installers. *I* was motivated. WxMan was motivated. This house saw some action! And while there is more to come - I am just really enjoying my space so much more. Especially my kitchen. Christina does wonders to a kitchen....

She had gifted me with a pressure cooker as a housewarming present, and then (knowing I felt intimidated by the thing, having never used one) showed me how to use it. Fantastic! I am going to have so much fun this fall and winter playing with recipes - and the roast beef that came out of it?? To DIE for... And she took the time to teach me to cook true to life honest to God Louisiana Gumbo (hence the picture below). It was good good medicine for both of us.

On Saturday I was delighted to play hostess to the lovely and talented Phoenix of Villains Vanquished and her adorable daughter. Especially since Christina prepared a most wonderful Shrimp Penne Alfredo for lunch. Mmmmmmmm.... (Like I said - we ate WELL this weekend.) We all spent the afternoon chatting like old friends who had been hanging out for years. Imagine that. It was wonderful! I was sorry that Phoenix had to leave after only a few hours, but she was expecting guests at *her* house (go Badgers!) that evening. It was lovely to meet her.

Then on a whim I had invited our former neighbors (much nicer than the aforementioned *jealous* ones around here) and a few others over to share in the fabulous pot of Gumbo, crawfish cornbread, and to check out all the fun we have going in the basement even though the "official" house warming party will be at the end of the month. It was too good of an opportunity to pass up, and Lord knows we had plenty of food. It was a perfect evening.

Yesterday dawned bright and sunny and the family and I (somewhat unwillingly since I didn't want the weekend to end) loaded up and headed to Chi-Town to see Christina off. Though I know her family was anxious to have her home, I felt as though our time had gone WAY TOO FAST. I cannot wait until we can spend time together again - hopefully with our families as well. Cannot. Wait.

So, many many thanks for making the trip, Christina - you are well loved and missed today...

Friday, September 07, 2007

She dared me....

Guess who came for dinner??

:) I am one happy camper....

Going down...

To the basement, that is - this is a GREAT space!! (Bonus points if you can name the movie that was playing when I took the picture...)

The place needs to be "softened up" a bit, but WxMan is in hog heaven in his manly room...

We have a busy weekend ahead - lots of FUN to be had. And just between you and me, I am due for a little fun.

Happy Friday y'all! I wish you a great weekend and good shots. Of every kind.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Taking Delivery

On everything we need to complete the basement... And I do mean everything.
Disclaimer: With the obvious exception of family and friends with which to enjoy it. But I feel confident that they will follow. Very very confident.
And company comes tomorrow! Whoohoo! Pictures later - of course. IF I am still standing when all is said and done. Good Lord...

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

First Day of School

Thank God.

Really - I have nothing more to add. I am simply too relieved for words...

Monday, September 03, 2007

Learning to share....

And I had the privilege of getting to describe all of the little hummingbird activity to Teresa - still wish she could have been here though....


Critters are fun. But take note - on a day like today it is more fun to "watch" than to "work."

Saturday, September 01, 2007

Slip slidin' away....

On the new floor. I think it looks fab...

The money quote? "Just wait until I get socks on down here."

And OU is playing right now - all is good in WxMan's world...