Oh ferGottsake...

I am apparently allergic to the uber super "you will tan faster and better and more and it smells like cookies - SEXY cookies" lotion crap. Tanning lotion that the Chickypoo, "Don't worry - you'll be FINE!!" sold me told me I needed.

F*cking wonderful.

Now while I am finally attaining a bit of color, I am itchy. Itchy in places that one should not *be* itchy. Bah... And the girls?? (And I am not talking Computa and Sporta, but the "girls" - aka breastakels) - NOT HAPPY. Several other places?? NOT HAPPY.

Me???

NOT HAPPY.

Grrrrrrr...

Can you say, "Not meant to be tan??" I can. And I freeking paid for the privilege...

I am an official I.D.I.O.T. An itchy one at that...

Pass the SPF 1000, please? This is ridiculous...