My occasionally snarky thoughts on everything from motherhood, politics, life and current events. Cocktails are sometimes mandatory. Bottoms up!

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Wednesday Funnies

...'cuz we could all use a little more funny

Corporate Lesson One:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your share holders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

And while the following isn't as funny as Harvey's (of Bad Example)
Fun Facts About the 50 States... a couple earned a giggle from me!

Alabama: Hell Yes, We Have Electricity.
Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!
Arizona: But It's A Dry Heat.
Arkansas : Literacy Ain't Everything.
California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda
Colorado : If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother.
Connecticut : Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It Yet
Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water
Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids.
Georgia: We Put The Fun In Fundamentalist Extremism.
Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru
(Death To Mainland Scum, Leave Your Money)
Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes...
Well, Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good
Illinois: Please, Don't Pronounce the "S"
Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn
Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States
Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
Louisiana : We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign
Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster
Maryland: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It
Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's
Michigan: First Line Of Defense >From The Canadians
Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes...And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitos
Mississippi: Come And Feel Better About Your Own State
Missouri : Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work
Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, and Right-Wing Crazies
Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest
Nevada : Hookers and Poker!
New Hampshire: Go Away And Leave Us Alone
New Jersey: You Want A ##$%##! Motto?
I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!
New Mexico : Lizards Make Excellent Pets
New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent,
You Have The Right
To An Attorney...
North Carolina: Tobacco Is A Vegetable
North Dakota : We Really Are One Of The 50 States!
Ohio: At Least We're Not Michigan
Oklahoma: Like The Play, But No Singing
Oregon: Spotted Owl...It's What's For Dinner
Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal
Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island
South Carolina: Remember The Civil War?
Well, We Didn't Actually Surrender Yet
South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota
Tennessee: The Edyoocashun State
Texas: Se Hablo Ingles
Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
Vermont: Ay, Yep
Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix!
Washington: We Have More Rain Than You Do
West Virginia: One Big Happy Family...Really!
Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese!
Wyoming: Where Men Are Men... And The Sheep Are Scared