The Evil of Stumps

....you didn't know that stumps were evil? Ever try to get rid of one?


So, Eric at Straight White Guy had a great post today about the inherent evil of stumps and the challenge of their removal. Along with a dead on description of the joy that one feels when you FINALLY get one gone. Joy. In. It's. Purest. Form.

... I think I've found my calling, people... I mean, what is more offensive to laid-back humanity than a gnarly stump?... twisted and
hardened and standing in the way... immovable... unrepentant... yes, indeed... and nothing can make a homeowner break a sweat like trying to dig up a stump... those boys?.. their machine made short work of it.. basically a giant grinder with a robotic arm... teeth like an angry Great White Shark.... in 15 minutes, they had worn that puppy down to a nub... nature would have taken 15 years to have laid it low... it was impressive..

I think he has something there. What more satisfying job could there be? And I am sure that he would be *excellent* at it. Of course he had the bonus of having professionals come and do the stump removal for him. Around here, no such deal. We felt sure that we could remove our stump ourselves! A colossal underestimate of the evil staying power of our stump.

You see, last summer Hubby comes to me and announces that it is time to get rid of that #$%!&*% stump in the back yard. Me being a girl wondered why it was such a big deal but figured if it was important to him (and was a project that *he* wanted to do) he could just go ahead and knock himself out. Fine. So I moved the pot of verbena I had on the stump and went on my way.

Oh Lordy -- jihad had been declared. First came the hacking away of exposed parts of the stump -- tough work that -- so next was the 1st burning. Charcoal layed on top, lighter fluid applied, and 4 hours of burning. I was nervous because of the stump's proximity to the house but he assured me that this was just the solution and the stump would be gone pronto.

Ohkaaaay. What progress was made you ask?

None. Nada. Zip.

So next came the application of many "stump eating chemicals". Many holes were drilled in the now burnt up stump and chemicals applied. Progress? No. Just killed all of the grass for 3 foot radius around the stump.

Niiiice. Now *that* was attractive. He decided to try the burning method again ('cuz you know with all of those holes it is bound to work better this time, right?). So he soaks the stump with kerosene for a day and burns it again.

Again no progress -- this damn stump is made of kryptonite! And now the grass is dead *and* scorched! Great. Hubby is frustrated and decides to just try to nurse the grass back to health.

Some time went by, I put the verbena back on the burnt up, drilled out, ugly ass stump and he takes a break. Called Winter.

Spring comes anew and with the thaw the ugly assed stump is again revealed. A solution is discussed (and I said NO to the whole dynamite solution he suggested). So here it is... The stump before:
See?? UGLY! It wasn't a half bad flower pot stand before "the war."

But I must admit, I really like the after:

And though it took us 3 days of hard labor I love my new patio!
Before:

After:

And the #$%!&^#$ stump is gone -- well, at least hidden. Pure joy, that.