My occasionally snarky thoughts on everything from motherhood, politics, life and current events. Cocktails are sometimes mandatory. Bottoms up!

Tuesday, June 08, 2010

450?? Really??

So today I volunteered at school as I am want to do from time to time... Sporta came home with a sob story re: the precarious state of the "Irish Picnic" scheduled for today...

"But Moooooom! If they don't get some parents to volunteer it will be canceled!! Can you help??"

"Well hell - of *course* I can. Just get me signed up - something I can do in the morning before I go into the office, okay?"

"Thanks Mom!"

Hey - I will take any thanks I can get at this point from my teenaged pterodactyl people who live here.... But note to self - be careful what you let your kid sign you up for...

So I get to school - to find out what part of the Irish Picnic I would be helping to set up... Sportas teacher pointed me in the right direction and I shook hands with my partner mom (Kim - very nice) and looked to the other teacher gal for instruction...

"Okay, " she said "So we were going to do water balloons today but with the weather the way it is the kids will be playing a different game indoors."

Okay - I am with her so far....

"So what we are going to need is for you two to blow up some balloons for a game. Each kid gets a balloon and gets to tie it to their ankle with a bit of string. Other kids try to pop the balloons. Last kid with a "live" balloon wins!"

Got it - moving on... So I asked the money question... "How many balloons do we need to have blown up?"

"Well, " she said "We have three wings. Three sixth grade classes per wing and we will need 50 balloons per class...."

The other mom and I just stared.

I did the math. "That's 450 balloons. Are you joking?"

"Nope," she said "and we will need a few extras per class just in case of poppage..."


Seriously?? WTF? Are you kidding me? So the other mom and I gathered our supplies - there *was* a mini air compressor (that was a total POS by the way - I went with the manual method which was sooooo much faster...) and moved off to our corner of the hallway to get to work...

Can I just tell you? 450 balloons is a shit ton of balloons... We definitely had our work cut out for us. Then the other mom made the whole thing even better....

"I hate to tell you this - but I am TERRIBLE and at tying balloons. Never mastered the skill..."

Lovely. Shit.

So as hind sight is 20/20 I have to tell you... If you are in charge of blowing up 450 balloons** it would behoove you to tape up the index and middle finger of you non-dominant hand. It *my case that's my left... Because after about 75 or so you *will* wear the skin off of those fingers while tying said balloons... YOU WILL. And that shit stings - can I tell you? Stings!

I won't bore you with many details - but I can say that unequivocally this was the *worst* volunteer at school experience I have ever had... Ever. And just between you and me? That's saying something... I have been in charge of the hula hoop room fergottssake full of fifth graders. Twice.

And insult to injury - got a text from WxMan this afternoon... (Sporta roped him in to volunteering too...)

WxMan: wow u all blew up a lot of balloons

Me: It was a nightmare... I wore the skin off my fingers and will be sore... Good grief.

WxMan: wow... well i helped pop them

Me: Well i hope you and the kids had fun... Was it fun?

WxMan: Yep loud too

So there you have it. No sympathy for me but hey - it apparently was fun and loud to boot.... And skin grows back right?? Of course it does...

And we all know how inherently evil balloons are, right? Couldn't stop thinking about this while they were kicking my ass...

Billy's Balloon direct link

Next time I will make sure I am in charge of bringing in cupcakes or whatever though.... I am sooooo much better at that. LOL

**And seriously - I had to bug out and go to work after the first 300 or so... Good gawd... And I felt bad for leaving - though thrilled at the same time. Yeesh.