Whatcha been doing?

So... been tweaking the resume. You know, it's harder than I thought it was going to be just gearing myself up for this. (Note to those younger than me -- get your degree. In whatever! Hmmmkay?)

Scoping the want ads, perusing monster.com et al, knowing for a fact that I do not want to tend bar ever again.... even though "bending tar" is a big chunk of my employment history...

--Can I get a Sex on the Beach?
**East coast or West coast style?
--Uhhh... how about a Harvey Wallbanger?
**You bet -- pass the Galliano.
--What's that?
**Oh, never mind. Wanna just go with a Whisky Sage? Or how about a Mojito?
--Uh, I'll just have a beer.

Unh uh. The hours just aren't family friendly. Ain't gonna happen.

And I've been out of the pool for a really looooong time. And now I'm trying to figure out just how to make *me* sound good on a piece of paper for a prospective employer. Saying that I am a "domestic engineer" doesn't quite cut it.

**Need to change multiple diapers in a timed event? I'm your girl...
**His parents and yours coming for Christmas? I can help you...
**Need to plan a birthday party for 15 five year olds? I got 'cha covered....
**How do you get crayon out of laundry or off of walls? You know I can...
**Hubby needs to host an event for 50 over Labor Day weekend? No prob....

How many words per minute do I type? I have no freeking idea. Prior work experience? Well, it was 10+ years and multiple states ago -- to be honest, I can't even remember some of the names of the people I worked for! You want addresses and phone numbers? Good grief! Some of these folks might even be dead!!! It was 10 years ago! Do I have skills that would apply? Probably.... I just don't have a clue how to best present them.

Part of me just wants to be able to write,

"Hi! I'm a responsible grown up. I am reasonably intelligent and I have no trouble working hard. I am good at multitasking, organization, maintaining a schedule, and I play nicely with others.

I feel confident that I will be a better employee than I was in 1994 -- and just between you and me? I was a pretty damn good employee in 1994. So there's that. "

Anyhoo, that's what I have been working on. Fun? Well, no. But I look forward to getting to the end result here....