I feel like an Amazonian Oompa Loompa!

Well, at least I do at work...

I continue to shorten my learning curve there, thank heavens. And I am finally getting a true bead on the inner politics of the place. That's a good thing since working with a bunch of women can be dangerous, if you don't know who you're dealing with.

Not that I'm saying that women are inherently mean.... Oh, who am I kidding. Women ARE mean. And petty and spiteful and hormonal and territorial and a whole list of other things. (In my humble opinion it is much easier to work with men...) So far, I have been okay. I've kept my ear to the ground and stayed out of the way.

There are always an assortment of insanities ahem, I mean personalities that you find in a workplace primarily consisting of women. I have managed to identify a few in my little group. Hey, forewarned is forearmed in my book and you need to know who will have your back and who will stab you in the back.

I have figured out who the crazy one is. She's not psychotic [yet], mind you. Just a little loopy. And I don't mean crazy in the fun way -- this is crazy in the "try to keep your expression from going to WTF every time she talks to you" and hope that she doesn't sit by you at break ever way.

I've identified the drama queen. Where every little perceived injustice or happiness must be played out and or discussed in excruciating detail. (She has a heavy Russian accent which adds to the theatrics of it all.)

I've pegged the "serious" gossips ( and yes, I realize that all women gossip -- it's part of the xx chromosomes). But these are the the women that can and will make your life hell if they feel so inclined. I will nod and smile in passing but have to remember to contribute nothing. Too dangerous.

Similar to the "serious gossips" is the Leaky Bucket. She's the one woman in the place you never want to tell anything even remotely personal or emotional that you don't want your boss and every other freekin' person in the place to know. But also, she is the one to go to if you need to know something. She has her finger on the pulse of the whole frickin' place.

I know who the hard workers are, and who will try to take advantage of the newbies. I've identified the tattletales and the slackers. And those who think that they should be running the show. A couple of the crusty older gals (and I mean that in the nicest way) have taken their time to give me a couple of hints to help keep me out of trouble. Decoded a few of the "unwritten rules" so to speak.

And ME? I am in absolutely NO rush to join the fracas. So far my M.O. is to smile, keep my head down, and stay off of the radar as much as I can. Just do my job and deliver the occasional one liner so they know I am paying attention and am not brain-dead. These are shark infested waters. I want to stay in my raft as long as possible...