My occasionally snarky thoughts on everything from motherhood, politics, life and current events. Cocktails are sometimes mandatory. Bottoms up!

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Things I have learned... my new job.

It has been interesting... (with only two days in !) And I have learned a couple of things...

First of all, they should both rename and make shorter the CYA movies they make you watch. (Obviously made for those who have been living in a cave and have no freeking idea how to interact with other people). In fact, I think I can distill all of the information I "absorbed" into a quick list of bullet points...

  • Stop being a dick -- you're not funny.
  • Leave the tube top and micro mini at home you big hootchie.
  • She doesn't like you -- leave her alone.
  • Ummmm.... this is not the 2nd grade -- don't make fun of people. Ever.
  • If you get cancer, don't come cryin' to us (the corporation). It's not our fault.
  • Grownups wear "real" shoes -- leave the flip flops at home.
  • Show up at work. On time. Not drunk. (duh...)
  • This company is great! Everything we do is great! You must always believe that we are the greatest!
  • Do not mention any perceived "differences" aloud. Ever. We don't care if your co-worker is purple and worships dead leaves. Leave it alone.
  • Lift with your knees. I mean... you can use your hands and arms too, but lift with your knees!! Oh nevermind..... Just try not to f - up your back, okay?

See? That's pretty easy to understand. And it doesn't take 3+ hours to get it across either! A couple of other things I have learned....

  • My husband can make the bed. (This is a biggie -- trust me...)
  • He can also do the dishes (meaning successfully load and run the dishwasher.)
  • I still am in charge of cleaning the hamster cage.
  • Since I automatically wake up early, when I know that I have to wake up early -- damn, I wake up REALLY early. (Over and over again...)
  • It's weird to pick up the girls from school and see for the first time that day what they are wearing....

Okay, that's enough education for today. Let's see what I figure out tomorrow!