My occasionally snarky thoughts on everything from motherhood, politics, life and current events. Cocktails are sometimes mandatory. Bottoms up!

Saturday, December 31, 2005

Happy New Year

Kinda nice -- I got my resolutions made *for* me! Warrior Dancing sounds cool...

Your New Year's Resolutions

1) Get a pet parrot

2) Eat more chocolate syrup

3) Travel to India

4) Study warrior dancing

5) Get in shape with water skiing

And yes, I am a child of the 80's....

You Scored 65% Correct

You are a solid child of the 80s

You'd never confuse Tiffany from Debbie

And while you may not know Prince's first #1 hit

You know every word to Little Red Corvette

Friday, December 30, 2005


Like a prayer,
The steam of my breath is carried up to the Heavens...

As a prayer,
It is accepted........

Top 10 Good People

As I mentioned earlier, Bou suggested that we all make a "Top 10 Good People of 2005" list. People who had been particularly nice for no good reason, or did something that just made your day. I had to include some on the list that didn't affect *me* personally but deserve to be there none the less.

What a nice way to focus on the positive and a great project for me today so here we go!

1. The Doctors that decided to take on my Uncle Ben's case in spite of the advanced nature of his cancer and the state of his insurance (none to speak of at the time). When others declared the case "hopeless" and "inoperable" these Docs stepped up to the plate. And guess what.... he's doing pretty well! And later it was discovered that he *was* insured. Yay retroactive coverage! The surgery was successful and the chemo seems to be working. I never would have predicted a happy ending or that we would all be so optimistic about the outcome.

2. The Lady working the front desk at the Oasis Hotel in Chamberlain, South Dakota. When the kids, dogs, and I checked in the first time on our way out to Wyoming the front desk lady was very nice and dealt very kindly with some complaints of barking (just while we were at dinner -- sheesh!).

When I made the reservation to stay there during our trip home, she saw it, remembered me and put us in a ground floor room right near the exit so it would be easier for me to manage the kids and the dogs. (They originally had me on the second floor again!) She also made sure that the room next to us was empty so in the event there was any barking it would be no big deal. I really appreciated her efforts.

3. The U.S. Coast Guard. The Coasties did such a great job during the aftermath of Katrina and rarely do the get the round of applause or thanks they deserve. I thought that their efforts were beyond heroic and amazingly well organized. My hat's off to the Coast Guard.

4. The hairdresser lady at the Robyn's Nest. She got Grandma in for a "wash and set" with a moments notice and did things just the way GG likes them done. Later the same hairdresser talked me out of cutting off all of my hair (at least until springtime). I am warm and thankful.

5. The fun nurse at the surgery center that cracked jokes with me before I had that little procedure done on my hand. When I am a little nervous I tend to need to poke fun at my situation and it is always nice to have someone around who is willing to play.

6. The two very happy and generous folks at the rest stop/visitor center outside of Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Driving cross country with 2 kids and 2 dogs is not very fun by anyone's estimation and these two folks at the rest stop made the girls' day. They still have the posters hanging in their room.

7. The lady on the playground that handed me a wad of tissues one day when K got an unexpected nosebleed.

8. All of the people that gave so generously of themselves during the aftermath of the many natural disasters suffered around the world this year. The depth and breadth of humanity shown is amazing. Charitable giving and service is alive and well. That's nothing but good news in the face of such bad news.

9. My parents. They have given of themselves above and beyond the call of duty over and over again this year. Helping to care for family members struck with illness or injury -- moving in with them if necessary. They have both put their own plans on hold time and time again this year when the need arose. Way to go you guys...

and finally 10. Everybody who comments here. Blogging has been my most fun little project this year and I appreciate everyone who has taken the time to leave me a kind word. Thanks. And Happy New Year!

Catch up

That's me today. I'm playing catch up. there are only 2 days left in 2005 after all, and I would like to have my world mostly squared away to greet the new year. I know, I know, it will all still be here ready to get done on Sunday -- but it would feel so nice to be all caught up and ready to go.

It's been one heck of a year for us. Lots of changes and lots of the same. (Interesting how those two truths can exist at the same time.) We celebrated 2 years living in the same place -- something I am really happy about. There has been illness and healing, miracles and catastrophe, nice surprises and nasty shocks. All of it. And this morning at Bou's place [get well soon] she set the task/meme to think of your top 10 people of 2005.
It sure is easy to dwell on the suckiest in suckville, isn't it? But who in this past year, has done something that you think just made your day or made your life just a wee bit easier? It can be someone that you met in the grocery store that did something for you unsolicited. It can be someone saying something kind when you were feeling like crap.
GuyK was the inspiration for the whole idea with this post. Here's a bit:
What I am working on is a list of the top ten of the best people of 2005. This is also a difficult list to put together because there are just so many people that I can name. For example my neighbor who watered my garden and looked after my place last spring while I was on vacation. I didn't ask him to do this-he volunteered. This is what being a good man is all about.

What an idea. This is what I will be grinding on today while I fold clothes and generally get things squared away around here. I encourage you to do the same...

Here's to the end of another rollercoaster year and to the beginning of another!

Update: (11:05am) Oddybobo already has her top 10 list done! Wow, that girl works fast....

Thursday, December 29, 2005

End of the Season

Well, for us anyway. The Sooners face the Ducks tonight in the Holiday bowl. Without our offensive coordinator it's going to be an uphill battle... But I, for one, am cautiously optimistic.

It sure would be nice if we could end the season on a happy note... Like BOOMER SOONER! Go OU!

You know...

Sometimes a nice glass of slightly bitter dark beer is really good....

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Oh now this is just WRONG...

Ever want to really get in touch with your inner Bah-Humbug? Try shaking the snowglobe.....

Or if that's not enough you can launch Santa out of a catapult.

Like I said, just wrong......


Eric over at SWG has been watching some pretty depressing stuff this week. The Exorcist? Good grief! And Armageddon Week (??) didn't include any visions of sugar plums I imagine...

Around here the movie fare has been just a teeny bit more light hearted. 'Course, with the kids on Christmas Vacation and all, I have little choice (unless I want to pay for even more therapy). Maybe I can suggest something a little happier and easier on the eyes....

We went to see Narnia -- The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe. It was FABULOUS. Really. Visually it was stunning. The themes of war, betrayal, love, loyalty, duty and magic were brilliantly played out. They completely stuck to the book and the effects were incredible. Absolute eye candy. And the woman who played the White Witch was amazing -- she exuded evil from every pore. Really, really good movie. We thoroughly enjoyed it and can't wait to see it again. I give it 4½ stars.

We rented...

Sky High. It's cute. Nothing to rave about but not horrible for the grown ups in attendance. Pretty good cast. My favorite thing about the movie was that Linda Carter is the Principal of Sky High. And she has a great throwaway line at the end of the film.... 2½ Stars

Madagascar. Again, cute. Hubby enjoyed the movie a great deal more than I did, actually. The penguins absolutely steal the show with their kung foo ninja moves and acerbic wit. There is some definite adult humor in more than a few places to help out with the perennial cheesyness. Dreamworks animation doesn't hold a candle to Pixar though. So there's that. 3 Stars.

The Fantastic Four. Not as good as Spiderman 1 or 2 or either of the X-Men films but it was reasonably entertaining. Watching Michael Chiklis as the Thing is the best part of the entire film. The effects were okay but the story and dialogue plodded along at times. I'm glad we didn't pay to see it in the theater. 3 Stars.

And finally March of the Penguins. Black and white. Cold, cold, cold. Penguins. Occasional swimming.... Okay.... I have a confession to make. I couldn't watch it. It was bleak and desolate in scope and living in Wisconsin I do not need to watch vast snowy landscape on TV. As much as I normally love Morgan Freeman, his narration made me want to go to sleep. Speaking of sleep -- the girls ended up taking this movie upstairs with them and it put them right to bed. So in that way I can say it was a good movie! Zero Stars.

So there you have it. Much happier viewing choices than Armageddon Week if nothing else....

Just for fun.....


You Passed 8th Grade Science

Congratulations, you got 8/8 correct!

h/t ALa at Blonde Sagacity for the quiz

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

You've got to be kidding me.....

(rant to follow -- language alert)

Fuckin' whatever...

Now look. I'm a team player. A big part of *my* job is to make sure that everybody has everything that they need to do the best they can at what they do. For the kids, this means that I make sure they have what they need to be ready for school, 3 squares a day, clean home, clean clothes, discipline, hugs, regular dental care, etc.... For my husband, this means that I handle pretty much every aspect of the homefront so he is free to concentrate completely on his job. All I ask is for a little time for our family away from said job, okay? That's all.

I understood that when hubby went to work in a retail environment, the holidays were going to be a little bit more difficult. I knew that the weeks leading up to Christmas were going to be very busy and he was going to have to put in long hours. I accepted that.

I knew that our family life was going to have to take a hit because Daddy was going to to be essentially gone. 14 - 16 hour days. Nights. Weekends. Gone. He's the FNG. I get it. It is, however, possible to push my patience too far.... To ask too fucking much. I awoke to find this in my email inbox forwarded from my husband....

It's required hunny:)


From: Wanker, Jerkoff
Sent: Mon 12/26/2005 7:52 AM

To: 20 poor bastards including my husband

Subject: Poker tourney

As some of you have heard, we will have a Hold 'em tournament on January 15th at my house. All mgrs, sups and snrs are invited and required to attend. We will begin at 830pm. I will provide food. Please bring your own booze. It will be a $20 buy-in, payout for 1st and 2nd place. I will send out directions soon.
J. Wanker GM - blah blah blah Madison, blah
Responsibility - Focus - Analytical - Achiever - Self-Assurance (<-- dude, get over yourself!) [Emphasis mine]

Now keep in mind, my hubby has had a whole 8 count them... EIGHT days off since October 31st. And that 8 includes both Thanksgiving Day and Christmas day. Okay? That's not much. We haven't seen him. He's exhausted. We miss him. And supposedly things are going to begin to level out and we can once again find some balance. That's what I have been looking forward to, anyway.

So when the GM sends out an "invitation" to a mandatory poker "party" -- IMO that's cutting in to MY time, Bub. Hmmmmkay? And by declaring that the event is REQUIRED??? Guess what? That's not a fucking "party." It's a business function. On a SUNDAY NIGHT.

Now I realize that this jerk off may not have a wife and family.... but you know, OTHER PEOPLE DO. Hubby and I actually like each other. He likes spending time with our kids. He hasn't had much opportunity to lately so this fun little get together (at the bargain price of $20) isn't so fucking FUN! Capice?

Just because you happen to be "the boss" does not mean you get to make people come to your little "party. " Attencence is REQUIRED??? Kiss my ass! If you are such a lame-o that you require people who work for you to come to your house to play with you? You suck. Okay?

And to not even make an attempt to include their significant others after the super busy holiday retail season where people have not seen their families or s.o. in 2 months??? You suck even more. And then to dictate that these people (hello! employees!) are going to have to pay you $20 in order to attend your REQUIRED event and have bring their own booze as well??? Well, Fuck you!

Personally, I'd rather he be at home with me. And I guaranGoddamntee that if I make my wishes MANDATORY and his presence at home REQUIRED -- my little "party" will take precedence over yours. Asshole.

**The views herein expressed are mine and mine only. They may be hormone induced. They may be the result of post holiday exhaustion. PTSD. ESP. QRS. Not enough wine. Whatever. That doesn't change the fact that this "required poker tournament" is complete and utter BULLSHIT. That is all....

A question...

If patience came in pill form would you take it??? Just asking....

Monday, December 26, 2005

The 26th... always a bit of a let-down, I think.

The "news" people are touting today as another big shopping day. My question is, who in the heck wants to shop TODAY?!?! Maybe I am just strange, but *I* for one am done with the retail madness for a while thankyouverymuch. I cannot think of a thing that we need or want right now, bargains (real or imagined) be damned... I just don't get it, I guess.

It has been a quiet day. Restful, playful, the occasional squabble.... normal stuff. Time for me to get things picked up. Time for the kids to play with their new toys. There may still be snow and slush out there but that didn't stop them from trying out the new scooters and pogo stick and skate board. (And there's nothing quite as fun as having the potential to break your arm....)

Yesterday was great. Good friends, good food, and fun toys. Movies. Wine. Cheesecake. Even though I managed to over cook the prime rib... ( #$%!&%^#$) it was a very good Christmas.

Not much to say about today. I suppose that in and of itself is a pretty good thing........

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Merry Christmas!

Wow. Christmas Eve.

The tree is trimmed, the treats are made, and almost all of the gifts have been wrapped. (And we all survived the Christmas flu** to boot!) Just in the St. Nick of time.

For us, I have planned a quiet evening (which is good as I am to weak to stand for long periods of time. ha. ha. ha.) and I will be thinking of other family members whom we could not spend Christmas with this year. I will also be thinking of those brave men and women missing their families and spending Christmas Eve in the desert and other far off places -- creating and keeping the Peace we all want so very much. I raise my glass and toast you all!

Merry Christmas! May God's grace shine upon you....

** and for Heaven's sake wash your hands!

Friday, December 23, 2005

Grandy's English Toffee

This is a recipe that I make every year. It is the only "sweet treat" that *I* have trouble resisting. (And just between you and me that's saying something -- I have a no sweet tooth. Zero. Zip. Nada. And this stuff is like crack. Totally addictive....)

Grandy's English Toffee
1 C. butter
1 C. sugar
3 Tbs. Dark Karo Syrup*
1 Tbs. water

1 pkg. milk chocolate chips
Chopped walnuts or pecans

In a medium sized saucepan combine all ingredients except chocolate. Cook over medium
heat stirring constantly for about 15 minutes. (The candy needs to cook at a rolling boil for between 6½ to 7½ minutes.) Once it changes color slightly and appears to pull away from the sides of the pan, it's done.

Pour onto a cookie sheet on a heat safe surface. (I like to line my pan with foil.) Gently shake or tilt the pan to spread the candy evenly. Sprinkle on one package of chocolate chips. Spread chocolate when melted. Top with chopped nuts. Allow to set overnight.

When the candy has set and the chocolate has completely hardened break into pieces. Enjoy!

The Carnival of the Recipes is up over at World Famous Recipes! Lots of yummy over there to tide your yule over..... Merry Christmas!

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Last man...


Hubby's on his way home from work. This wretched flu has claimed another victim. Would it be bad if I spiked my wine with Clorox? Crap.......... I'm gonna go wash my hands again.........

What day is it?

Holy crap it's been busy....

And just for kicks we had a round of 24 hour stomach flu run rampant through the house. (Merry Christmas! -- not!) So far just the kids... but I am taking no chances. I am attempting to de germify everything so that Hubby and I don't keel over. I hear it's been taking down entire families and frankly I neither have time nor want to play. Yay Clorox and Lysol! Not the ordinary Christmas smells -- but they are effective.

At any rate I missed posting yesterdays Calvin. So today we get a two-fer:

Beware the eggplant casserole and watch out for snow monsters! Oh! And wash your hands......

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Tagged Twice!

Good grief! I spend the day in the kitchen and look what happens! Both Oddybobo and VW at One Happy Dog Speaks have tagged me to name the 5 movies that mean the most to me at Christmas.

Okay, this isn't very hard. I like movies that help me to perpetuate my own belief that Santa is real and still spreading joy throughout the world.

I love The Santa Clause and The Santa Clause 2. Cute, cute stuff there.... I like the idea that somebody can get "drafted" so to speak, into the magical world of Santa Claus.

Miracle on 34th Street (the old black and white version). Great story and courtroom drama. How do you deny Santa now!! Huh?!?! When the USPS recognizes him! 'Nuff said!

Now for basic Christmas spirit, I like It's a Wonderful Life. I know, I know. It was technically a box office flop, but it's got Jimmy Stewart! And I love the whole "meaning of life/ everybody has something important to contribute" vibe. (And to see IAWL acted in 30 seconds by bunnies go here.)

Lets see.... That's 4. I need one more.....

Oh right -- and finally, (National Lampoon's) Christmas Vacation. Family dysfunction at its finest! Funny every time!

Whew! So now, who to tag? I tag Trouble over at Dubious Wonder 'cuz she is on vaca and has the time, Brian at Point2Percent so that he will post something ;) , and Eric over at Straight White Guy 'cuz I know he'll have good movies. Merry Christmas!

Baking and saying thank you....

More baking to do today. I am ever so glad that I like my kitchen given the amount of time I am spending there lately. Last night it was was 10 dozen variations of chocolate chip cookies and homemade toffee. Today its going to be cranberry orange bread and spice cake. And more toffee. Mmmmmm toffee....

It is this time of year that I tend spend a great deal of time thinking about how thankful I am for my life and my family. (Even when certain members are chasing each other through the house with whoopee cushions and shrieking...) I am a firm believer in the power of a simple "thank you" when I am going about my daily business. It's important. And I think that we could use with more thank yous in the world.

This led me to give some thought about some of the people in my world who go without thanks -- even though I really appreciate what they do. Sometimes you're just not in a position to say thanks. Or maybe you never actually see the person. And that's too bad.

Early this morning in order to rectify some absent thank yous I strategically placed a gift of goodies for both the garbage and recycle guy. Let's face it, my life would be far more difficult without their services. And on days like today when it is -8 zero and they deal with nothing but trash all day, I would think a little "thank you" might make the day a little better. So thank you Garbage Guy. And thanks Recycle guy. Good job. Hope you like the treats.

Some others who deserve a thank you -- who probably don't hear one very often:

**Thank you snow plow guy! I really like that you're out there clearing the way.
**Thank you teacher's aides. With out you there would be far less construction paper art.
**Thank you to whomever warms up the speculum for me. It's only once a year, but I appreciate it.
**Thank you school lunch lady. You serve a bazillion little kids food that they are almost sure to complain about every. single. day. and then you have to do the dishes too. Really, thanks.

I'd give all of you some toffee and cookies if I could....

So that's what I came up with today in the few minutes between batches. Feel free to add any typically unthanked people that you come up with in the comments. It's all good karma....

Monday, December 19, 2005


I got nuthin' today.

No, really. I am deep in the throes of holiday baking so my mind is filled with the heavenly smells of cinnamon and sugar, butter and berries. And chocolate..... Oooooh the chocolate! Almost all to be given away....

It's cold as hell out -8 this morning a balmy zero now. So no plans to do any errand running. They can wait. And why do we say "cold as hell" anyway? Aren't the descriptions of Hell all fire and damnation? Burning and heat? Huh.

I do have more adventures of Calvin and his snow men, though. Six more to be exact. Christmas here we come!

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Putting the Whoopee! back in Christmas

A little background.

Every year since the girls were little, my mother has put together an advent calendar for them. Now this isn't the kind of advent calendar I had as a child -- the kind where you open a little "door" on the calendar and behind it there is a bible verse or maybe a small piece of chocolate. Oh no. This advent calendar is free standing in the shape of a house with little doors that hold beautifully painted ornaments to hang on and decorate the "house." It is lovely. And for the 24 days leading up to Christmas they get to open up a little gift. A present every. single. day. They love it.

Now, the gifts are nothing super elaborate -- lip gloss or an ornament, a small game or some fun erasers. That sort of thing. Today K and A eagerly opened their advent present and what fun little gift do we have?

Whoopee cushions. One for each.
... ... ...

Well, I am absolutely certain that they will be making brrrraaapppppppp good use of this frrrruuuuuppppp gift. And I will be paying broooooooooppppp close attention when I go to sit down.

Hey! They got harmonicas last Wednesday! We are going to get treated to a very different sort of Christmas music today for sure! ppptttrraaaaaatttt

Calvin is right on track with the type of humor at my house today...

Forrest Gump said it best, "You never know what you're gonna get." Ha! No kidding. ...

Saturday, December 17, 2005


Along with today's Countdown to Christmas with Calvin and Hobbs we have the most amazing decription of cake I have ever read. Treat yourself to a taste of Christmas culinary sensuality....
Here's just a bit...
The cake resists and then surrenders to my large chef's blade. Heavy and dense, packed with raisins and nuts, a poorer blade would only have been useful for hacking at it. A serious cake, it deserves a serious knife.
Why they seem to go together, I don't know. but for some reason it works for me..... Mmmmm Bourbon Cake.........

Friday, December 16, 2005

White Christmas?

You bet your bippy we're gonna have a white Christmas! Look....

I took these pictures yesterday looking out my back door and front door respectively. Big fat flakes falling -- it was gorgeous. It snowed off and on all day. Now it's supposed to clear up and get cold, so yay! White Christmas for us!

I love snow as long as it's festive. Come February we will all be totally over the snow, but this weekend I have a feeling the girls will be working on their forts and building snowmen.

Probably not snowmen like this....

....but hey, that's a good thing I think. Happy Friday!

I wish...

I've seen this meme everywhere -- and according to the "rules" you are tagged just by reading someone else's post! So I get three wishes and they have to be for my self only.... Hmmmmm....

1. I wish I knew what the hell to do with my hair. Chop it all off? Leave it long? Highlights? What?!?! I want some professional hairdresser person to look at me and say "you know, THIS is the style that would look best on you!" And then do it and have it be true.

2. I wish I could lose weight as easily as my hubby does. I swear, he cuts out his afternoon candy bar or whatever and loses 10 pounds just like that. *snap* Pisses me off, frankly.

3. I wish I could go back to sleep when I wake up waaaaay too early. I mean, I like that I am a naturally early riser and that I don't need an alarm, but it would be nice to have the option to go back to sleep. (And have an internal clock that wasn't so frickin' eager to start the day.) Today, for example -- 4:05am. I could have sooooo slept for 2 more hours.

So there are my answers to the "I wish" meme created by _Jon. And just in case you missed the rules...
1. Finish the sentence: "I wish I ..."- - Basically, pretend you had up to three wishes to change something about you. A restriction is that cannot wish to change someone else. For example, you can say; "I wish I weighed 30 pounds less." But this wish is not for this meme; "I wish my spouse weighed 30 pounds less."
2. If you are reading this, you are "tagged" with this meme.
It is not necessary to send me any notice.I just wanna spread some wishes around.
Tag. You're it!

Thursday, December 15, 2005


As my girls get older, it is becoming more and more apparent that I am going to get to relive some of the unpleasant parts of growing up girl. To be honest, I had blocked out a great deal of how fricking mean girls can be -- and how that pecking order is established early.

Over dinner the other night, eldest informed me that one of the girls at school *hated* her.

K: "Hey Mom, did you know that someone at school hates me?"
Me: ... ..."What makes you think that, Hon?"
K: "Well, Julie* told me at lunch recess that Lisa* hates me."
Me: "I don't understand. Why would Lisa hate you? Wasn't she in your class last year?"
K: "Yeah, but she is one of the fashion girls -- they hate people."

Youngest pipes up as I am obviously confused:
A: "Yeah Mom, there's a whole group of them. And they decide who to hate."
K: "Yeah, and we're *not* all into fashion like they are.
A: "Yeah, we're just normal -- not Fashionistas."
K: "Definitely not Fashionistas."
I swear to God I almost fell out of my chair when I heard them using this term Fashionista. How do they come up with this stuff? Fashionistas.....

Given the tone of their voices. They don't want to be fashionistas -- that's good, I think. And eldest didn't seem bothered in the least that this other girl "hated" her. Again, good. But oh crap, I remember shit like this. Only for me it didn't start until 6th grade or something. Yuck. I hated it then and I know I am going to hate it now...

What is it about little girls, and hell -- some women -- that just have to create these little pockets of exclusivity in order to be "happy" or whatever? I have never understood the need to exclude anyone in order to feel better about myself or the people I hang out with. ('Course that's probably why I was never in the "fashionista" clique back in my day....) I always thought that just being nice was the way to go....

So now I have to try and dispense sage (and hopefully useful) advice. We all know how well "just ignore it" and "be nice anyway" works. Ugh. Why is it so fricken hard to make kids to be *nice* to one another??

And I am going to have to stay tuned in to all of this petty BS while remembering Cardinal Mother Rule #16. What is C.M.R. #16?
16. Whatever they tell you DO NOT under any circumstances visibly freak out. If you (visibly) lose your mind when they tell you things they will eventually stop telling you. When you say "you can talk to me about anything." You have to mean it. Stay cool...... (The teen years are coming -- you're going to need this!)
And I have to tamp down the Momma Bear urge to corner this Lisa girl next time I am at school and give her the what for about being nice....

So what other fun memories of "growing up girl" do I get to relive? How much have I blocked out? As always, just when I think I have the whole "parenting" thing down into a system, the parameters change....... And the fashionistas? I blame this trend in part....

Bratz Pack

Motto: The ONLY girls with a PASSION FOR FASHION!


*names changed to protect the little sh ... um... brats.

Today's Calvin and Hobbs

Actually it wouldn't surprise me to discover that we had snow sharks here in Wisconsin. Wouldn't surprise me one bit.....

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

My hometown.... gonna be featured on the Early Show (CBS) tomorrow!! According to the local paper at 7:40am Central/Mtn time, Country Christmas in Powell, Wyoming will be showcased! (ymmv )

Okay, by "showcased" I mean they have done a piece on the "Country Christmas" celebration Powell, Wyo puts together every year. The whole Country Christmas thing is pretty cute -- Tons of twinkle lights decorate downtown, Santa usually flies in by helicopter and takes up residence to hear the whispered wishes of the tots that come by,** and they have a parade and everything! It's a big ball of fun!

And when you live in (or come from) podunk Wyoming, making it on TV (without a murder charge) is a big deal!

**I used to date one of the guys that "played Santa" when they started this whole Country Christmas thing. In real life he looked a lot like (this) Kris Kringle. Really. (Well, without all of the plastic and stuff...)

Snow Day

No school today. Though looking outside I guess schools are closing in anticipation of the snow. Huh. That's new....

Either way, we get to have a snow day. I just went up and whispered to the girls that they could sleep in this morning (so they wouldn't wake up in a flat panic later) and Hubby is having a day off so a family snow day it shall be. Makes me happy.

We'll have our Calvin early today, I think.....

I kinda worry about that kid, I really do.....

Update: I found some extra holiday cheer over at One Happy Dog Speaks -- click on over to read about Santa's third cousin Bubba Claus. Ha!

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

What's your name???

Conversation while shopping....

Sales person: "Well, your total comes to $65.98. Will you be paying for that using your [insert store name here] card?"

Me: "No." ::smiling and handing over *another* card::

Sales person: Looking at card. "Ummmm..."

Me: "Yes?"

Sales person: "You can't use this card!"

Me: "Why not?"

Sales person: "It's not your card!"

Me: "Yes, it is...."

Sales person: "Your name is Richmond ______." ::incredulous look::

Me: "Yes." ::holding out ID::

Sales person: "Your first name is Richmond?!?!

Me: "Yes."

Sales person: "Well.... what do they call you?"

Me: "Richmond. My kids call me Mom...." ::signs slip::

Sales person: "Huh, no kidding....." ::another incredulous look::

Me: "And yes, my parents love me very much.... Merry Christmas!" ::turns to leave::

Sales person: "You too! Maybe Santa will bring you your voice back!"

These people crack me up! And Good or bad, there are other people that have it tougher than me name wise.....

Retail madness

That's where I've been all day. Swimming with the sharks so to speak. Big storm coming in so everybody and their dog was out shopping today. I think I managed to get it all done. (I am deluding myself, of course.)

Not to many crazy people out though (and I usually attract them). The only truly irate person I saw was a check out gal at Kohl's. She kept barking orders at her right breast. I have noticed that all salespeople everywhere are wired for sound these days -- she just may want to rethink her mic placement next time (unless it really was her boob she was talking to). I'm just sayin'...

Time for some more Calvin, I think.

He sure is a twisted little guy!

Monday, December 12, 2005

Monday fun....

I'm sure some are thinking,

"Monday fun?!?! What's so much fun about Monday???"
Well for me, Monday is a school day which means I get a few hours of seriously reduced noisage in my house.

And I get a chance to clean up without things being "undone" right behind me. That's pretty nice! It's a quiet catch up day -- I like Mondays.

As for the fun.... Well, this is pretty fun!

And so is this!

Narnia Quiz -- which Narnia character are you?

Despite your size, as Mr Beaver you are decisive, confident and bold. You are brave in times of need and show great loyalty to those you respect.

Happy Monday!

quiz found via ALa at Blond Sagacity :)

Sunday, December 11, 2005


Hooray! The girls spent all day today playing outside in the snow. It is just the kind best used for snowmen and forts. Gotta love it. (The snow I grew up with in Wyoming was almost always too dry to do anything fun with, it would just blow around and make your face sting. Boo.) It's been snowing off and on here since Thursday so they have had plenty to work with. I even channeled Martha Stewart a little and served the kids hot chocolate and cookies outside.**

I spent the day listening to Christmas music and baking cookies. Okay... and doing laundry, and cleaning house, and maybe The Matrix was on and I may have watched a little of that too -- but even The Matrix can be considered christmassy if there are carols playing in the background, right? Right??

Okay, no. Probably not. So I won't be mistaken for Mrs. Rockwell anytime soon. But the cookies were good!

Anyhoo, my cousin Inga (think we might be of Nordic descent at all??) sent me a great email with all kinds of Calvin and Hobbs Snowmen cartoons! Whoohoo! I've got one for every day now through Christmas to add some giggle to the season.....

**I hope Santa was watching -- I need all the brownie points I can get this year.

What is love?

Via Seraphic Secret I found out.....

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth." Billy - age 4

"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day." Mary Ann - age 4

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all even when his hands got arthritis, too. That's Love . Rebecca - age 8

There's lots more. Read the whole thing. I'm gonna go hug the girls now.....

Saturday, December 10, 2005

One of the best Christmas albums EVER

George Winston -- December.

It's the one that sounds like Christmas to me. Cheerful, reverent, hopeful.... all the stuff.

'Course then Bing comes on and I like him best. Then Mannheim Steamroller.... **sigh** Gotta love the variety -- and a 6 disk changer....

Saturday funny....


A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the week before Christmas and says,"I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."

"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her." Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this."

She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says,"They're coming for Christmas and paying their own way."

h/t L&Dal :)

Friday, December 09, 2005

Stop the madness!

Get this, a panel of scientists have decided that our children are at tremendous risk!!!! Brace yourself! At risk from bird-flu? Oh no.... nothing so simple as bird-flu. Our children are at risk because there are snack foods out there that bear the likeness of...


SpongeBob SquarePants. What a dastardly character.

Panel Doesn't Want Junk Food Aimed at Kids

WASHINGTON - SpongeBob SquarePants and characters like him should promote only healthy food for kids, a panel of scientists said Tuesday.

Food marketing strongly influences what children eat, the Institute of Medicine said in a comprehensive review of scientific evidence on the issue. Overwhelmingly, food and drinks marketed to kids are high in calories and low in nutrition, the report said.

"It's putting our children at risk," said panel member Ellen A. Wartella, psychology professor at the University of California, Riverside.
Ohhh. So the rise in childhood obesity is all the marketers fault. They are poisoning our children with their fancy packaging and cute little cartoon faces.... Because Lord knows it my two kids that go to the store twice a week and fill the grocery cart and buy all of those terrible snack foods and brings them home to eat. The Kids are definitely the ones in charge of the menu around here.....


Some children's advocacy groups said the recommendations don't go far enough and called for a ban on junk food marketing to children.

"If marketing to children affects their food choices, then it's time to stop marketing to them," said Susan Linn, a psychiatry instructor at Harvard Medical School who helped found the Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood.

Oh that's a good idea.... Let's institute a ban. That will save the kids from eating the evil junk food. Is there even a chance that a parent might have anything to do with the food choices a child is making?? That maybe a parent might be in charge of the family's food purchases? Does this "panel" think that parents bear any responsibility at all??

In *my* world I decide what "snack foods" the girls will have access to. It is MY job to teach them how to make good dietary choices and guide them down the path of nutritional health. Hello??? I think that parents should bear the brunt of the responsibility in raising their children -- not some panel of scientists or activist group or politicians.
These likeable, kid-friendly characters are "being used to manipulate vulnerable children to make unhealthy choices," said Sen. Tom Harkin (news, bio, voting record), D-Iowa, who requested the report.

The panel said the government should try tax breaks and other incentives to encourage the shift away from junk food and, if that doesn't work, Congress should mandate it.
It's not up to congress. It's up to me. My name is Mom.

That's the thing that got to me about the article. Not once was parental responsibility mentioned. In fact, the only time the word "parent" was used was here:
Wally Snyder, president and CEO of the American Advertising Federation, said lack of physical activity also plays a major role in childhood obesity and that his industry is helping educate parents and children about good eating and exercise.

Really? Lack of physical activity plays a role? Oh my goodness -- you're kidding! I had never even heard such a theory! **sigh**

So what did we learn from this panel of scientists?
**Junk food is high in calorie and low in nutritional value.
**Kids like to eat junk foods.
**Marketers that use cartoon images are Eeeeeeevil.
**And lack of activity plays a major roll in childhood obesity.

And how much did this ingenious study cost?
Ordered by Congress, the study was funded by the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention at a cost of $750,585.
Yeah, that's just great. Now there's a fine use of our tax dollars. Give me a fricking break.

Update: Apparently I am not the only one thinking along these lines....

Gifts from the kitchen....

That's the theme of this weeks Carnival of the Recipes hosted by Dubious Wonder. Mmmmmm Christmas yummys -- my favorite!

These are two recipes I make every year at this time to give away. They are delicious and relatively kid friendly, if you want the kids to help!

Peanut Butter Balls

Cream: ½ cup butter (softened)
2 cups crunchy peanut butter

Mix in: 3 cups powdered sugar
2 cups Rice Krispies
(add additional cereal if needed)

Press into balls. (About an inch in diameter.) Set on waxed paper.
Melt 1 pkg. Semi-sweet or Milk Chocolate chips
and 1 bar of paraffin in a double boiler.

Dip balls. Set on waxed paper. Can be frozen.

**I use milk chocolate, ½ bar paraffin (the brand I like is Gulf Wax) per bag of chocolate chips, and I usually double the recipe. Enjoy!

Snickerdoodle Cookies

½ C. margarine or butter
1½ C. all purpose flour
1 C. sugar
1 egg
½ tsp. vanilla
¼ tsp. baking soda
¼ tsp. cream of tartar

to dip/roll cookies: 2Tbs. sugar 1tsp. ground cinnamon

At Christmas time I use red sugar + cinnamon and green sugar + cinnamon so you end up with a plate of sparkley red and green cookies.

**Cream together butter, sugar, egg, and vanilla. Mix all dry ingredients (first) then add to butter mixture by thirds. Mix well. Cover and refrigerate for 2 hours.
**To bake, heat oven to 375. Roll dough into approx. 1” balls then roll in sugar/cinnamon mix before placing 2 inches apart on non-greased baking sheet. Bake 9-11 minutes until golden. (The tops of the cookies will appear to have cracks in them when they are getting close to done.)

Okay, here are my tips:

**Always use butter—it makes for a far superior cookie.
**I usually double (if not triple) the recipe when I am making them.
**Do not over bake—this is key. These cookies are really easy to scorch.
**You can make the cookies as big as you want—I have had great luck even making them dinner plate sized. (You will have to flatten them yourself if you decide to make ‘em big, though).
**Chilling the dough is nice but not super necessary. But you will get chewier cookies if the dough is chilled before baking.

I love capitalism...

'Tis the Season

Not a Christmas rant, but a rant none the less....

No, I'm not talking about THAT season. It's also the cold and flu season -- otherwise known as the season for every frickin' person that I come in contact with to comment on how gawd awful or sick I sound. And I mean EVERYBODY. At least everybody that is not related to me or who doesn't "know" me. And I'll tell you what, the world is filled with people that I am not related to and don't know. Filled!

Look, I get it. I know what I sound like. I've had 20+ years to get used to it fer cryin' in a bucket. I know that folks are trying to "empathize" or whatever. That's why I have eleventymillion pat answers to the comments/questions I have heard over and over and over again. Usually designed to give the commenter/questioner a chuckle. Sometimes to give me one. Depends......

c/q: Losing your voice?
me: Better than losing your mind I hear.....

c/q: Laryngitis?
me: No. Lucky husband.

c/q: Do you feel as bad as you sound?
me: Thankfully no. It would really suck if I did though.

c/q: Been yelling at your kids?
me: Not today! [or the ever popular] No, they respond well to whistle commands.

c/q: Have you tried hot tea with lemon?
me: Only the spiked kind.
[or if I am feeling particularly snarky] No. I prefer scotch and Draino.

c/q: Oh my God, you sound terrible!
me: Thank you. Good thing I'm not contagious, huh?

c/q: What in the world happened to your voice?
me: Good clean livin' will get you every time....
You get the idea....

I *do* on occasion let people know that this is my "natural" voice. People that I am going to see on a semi-regular basis, for example. ( So that they don't just assume that I have the plague or something. ) Then the exchange usually goes something like this:

c/q: Wow. You sound awful... Laryngitis?
me: No, actually this is my natural voice. It's always like this.
c/q: Oh. Well, it's really sexy.

Sexy??? So sick = sexy? Sounding awful = sexy?? Are you kidding me? On what planet!?!? And more people than you would imagine say that! Blows me away. ('Course I use this neat thing called logic....)

Then there is the occasional WTF were they thinking/what the heck is wrong with these people kinds of exchanges. Like at the last big corporate muckity muck Christmas party I had to attend.... (Now granted, I had just met the Top O' the Heap Uber Muckity Muck's Wife 15 minutes before at the muckity muck grip-n-grin -- but still!) As we were seated for dinner:

TOTHUMMW: Oh great, I'm sitting next to the one person that I won't be able to hear!" [big smile]

me: "You'll be okay, I'm not that interesting...." [equally big smile]

TOTHUMMW: "Well, just so long as you don't tell me it's a permanent condition because you had CANCER or something...."

me (and hubby behind me): /:^0 ... ... ... ... ...

Hubby (as I was too stunned to speak): "Well, actually.... um..... Yeah...."
So then I spend the next 20 minutes calming her down. 'Cuz I'm fine about it, I really am. I was just shocked that she would guess right -- the first time no less! Who makes statements like that though? And why would you ever?

Admittedly, I am not "truthful" with every single person who comments on my voice right from the get go, simply because I do not have the time (nor the inclination) to share with every person that makes a comment. It's a lot of folks -- trust me. (And TMI helps no one.) Most of the time people are just making small talk (as we are all prone to do). A conversation replete with medical history is just not warranted with every checkout person on the planet.

And just so you know, there are a couple of up sides to having a voice like mine. (You just have to look for them really, really hard.)

Like in college, I had the unique ability to "call in sick" for my friends if they didn't prepare for an exam. (I was a great stunt sickie.) Or I could even "call in sick" for myself if it was one of those huge survey classes where the prof didn't "know" me (or any of the other students for that matter).

And I never have to talk to pushy telemarketers because if I answer the phone and the person *asks* to speak to me I know that they don't "know" me and are most likely trying to sell something. Before the invention of caller ID it was a really handy talent!

Now I know that people are trying to be nice (usually) and are just wanting to commiserate in some way. Usually I have a great deal of patience and humor about the whole thing as it is something that I deal with 24/7/365. It's just that this week has been a big week for "Wow, you sound really awful!" comments. And for some reason it's workin' my last nerve. While I was out with my Mom shopping the other day and I had fielded the 5,968th comment she finally looked at me and said:
"I bet you wish you had "This is my natural voice" tattooed across your forehead sometimes, huh?"
And yeah, sometimes I do. 'Cuz it gets old. Old. Old. Old. And apparently I am cranky. Cranky. Cranky. Cranky.... Good thing I am not loud too. ::wink:: Or contagious....

Thursday, December 08, 2005

5 Weird Habits Meme

So Trouble over at Dubious Wonder has tagged me to list 5 weird habits that I have. Do I have any weird habits? Dunno.... guess I'll find out.

1. I wave at cows. If I am driving along and go past a field of cows doing what cows do (grazing, standing around, laying down, whatever) I'll more likely than not wave at them. Don't know why. None have ever waved back. It just seems friendly, I guess.

2. I avoid dark uncovered windows. Almost pathologically -- it is a great internal struggle just to get close enough to one to draw the curtains even though I *know* that it's no big deal. Scares the crap outta me because all I can think of is how terrible it would be if the psychokiller (that is surely right out side watching) came crashing through the window to get me. Paranoid? Me? Nah....

3. I talk to my dogs (and other pets too, I guess) conversationally all the time. I even ask them questions and talk to them about their answers. A couple of years ago I walked into the house and started asking the doggies about how their day had been and what was going on only to turn the corner and see my father in law sitting on the couch looking at me like I was nuts. I 'spoze it's possible that I am, but hey! Taylor and Buddy like me!

4. I turn on (and leave on) lights in rooms that I have no plans to be in. I hate walking into a darkened room, so when it starts getting dark I will go around and turn on a small light in most rooms of the house. Just in case. It used to drive my husband crazy (probably still does) as he was forever trailing behind me turning off lights which in turn irritated me since I had to turn the darn things back on again. We seem to have come to a truce (meaning he gave up and I got my way). What can I say? I like to be greeted with a warm happy glow.

5. I have a habit of making up words to better convey (at least in my mind) what I am meaning. For example: CrapopottamusRex! or Schmugly or Grotokomous. Sometimes you just need a new word....

So there you go. Weird? Me? Well, apparently so. Huh.

So now is the time where I get to tag some folks. Hmmmmm. I don't want anybody to yell at me...

I tag OddyBobo 'cuz she tagged me with the alarmclock meme. And Alli at Fox Rants since she has decided to continue blogging -- yay!

They probably won't yell anyway..... And I'm 3 tag-ees short so anyone else who wants a tag, consider yourself tagged!

Memo to the house....

Look. Gotdammit. We have had MR. Fix-it in (aka my Dad) in residence for the past 2+ weeks and you pick today the day that he leaves to start having bizarro issues??

I don't know why you think that NOW would be a good time for the toilet in the weird little bathroom so start leaking or why NOW it would seem appropriate for the furnace to stop heating the frickin' house. It'd December damn it! And 9 degrees out! This is going to really start pissing me off if you continue along this vein so KNOCK IT OFF!!

That is all.....

Wednesday, December 07, 2005


Mom and I are headed out to participate in the Christmas shopping scrum today. I love to shop for other people but hate fight the crowds. Since it is -6 this morning though, we have a fighting chance that many of the retail outlets we must visit won't be too crowded. Damn, its cold though!

'Course some folks find interesting ways to keep warm in this weather... Ha!

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

I'm Going!

That 1 Guy over at Drunken Wisdom has planned a blog fest in *my* neck of the woods and I get to go!! Whoohoo! I am sooooo looking forward to meeting some of my favorite bloggers! If you think you might be up for some live bloggy fun in the:
Northern Illinois, Southern Wisconsin, Eastern Iowa, Western Indiana....
... area, click on over -- it's an open invitation! Just let him know via comments or email. I am so psyched!** :)

**Even though I am usually very shy in social situations where I don't "know" anyone and I tend to hate/avoid them at all costs, but it's sorta like you "know" people when you read their blogs. And I really like a lot of the people that are showing up... and it's only an hour away... and T1G was one of the first people to comment on my blog ever... and...and... and... and I am rambling because I am nervous, even though I shouldn't be, and I am really looking forward to the whole thing... **sigh** I'm going. And I'm psyched!

Monday, December 05, 2005

Bringing on the yummy...

My Mom cooked dinner tonight:

The menu?
Sauteed asparagus in white wine with toasted pine nuts, Wild Rice with crasins and scallions, and Granny Garber's Pork Chops. Mmmmmmmmm. It is so nice to eat someone else's cooking!

And yes, I will be posting the recipes in the not to distant future...... Yummy!

Oh, MAN it's cold....

Brrrrrrr. It was zero when I took the kids to school this morning and I don't think we even made it out of the single digits today. The weather pixie is lying -- there's no way it's 14 out. It's way colder than 14! (And I'm gonna have to get that girl a parka. She's going to end up with frostbite for heaven's sake!)

Another busy day in my world. My house continues to be a veritable hive of activity. My folks are going to head back to Wyoming on Thursday. They are trying to time it just right to avoid any nasty weather -- and that's a real trick when you consider they will be traveling 1,206 miles through Minnesota, South Dakota and Wyoming and crossing the Big Horn Mountains (not to mention going down the Oh-My-God Highway ).

It took over 19 years and 24 million dollars to completely rebuild the 57.7 mile highway between Lovell and Burgess Junction so that it would conform to acceptable highway standards.

This is not to suggest that the mountain has been tamed. The new road, which has some 10% grades and drops 3,600 feet, has been irreverently dubbed the "Oh My God Highway" by some, "The Devil's Slide" by others.

It's two long days, and mostly without scenery. Not much fun at all... Having made the drive myself last summer, I can totally understand why they are in no big hurry to get going.

I can point you to a couple of interesting things I have read though, at my brief stints at the computer...

Rob the Bouncer has some handy tips if you are headed to New York for the holidays. (Language alert.)

From Lucky at Desert Odyssey we have a tale (or more appropriately tail) of Airforce Major vs. mouse. Who won? You be the judge.

SMASH and his merry band of Protest Warriors take on Code Pink again. Yay SMASH! But from there I followed a link to some truly hateful activity. This kind of stuff really pisses me off. (What is wrong with parents and teachers that would allow/teach hatred like that!?!?!)

And two of my favorite bloggers have made the final cut for the Weblog Awards. Yay Eric (Best of the Top 251 - 500 Blogs) of Straight White Guy fame and VW (Best Parenting Blog) author of One happy Dog Speaks. Vote often, Y'all!

Sunday, December 04, 2005

Winter Wonderland

We got about 4-6 inches of the white stuff yesterday so today the Rockwellian adventure continues. More cookies to bake and later this morning we will take the kids to the sledding hill for that first chilled ride at high speeds. Doesn't get any better.... Well maybe is does...

Then home to warm cookies, and hot cocoa. Football. Loading the CD player with Christmas carols and trimming the tree. Do you suppose there is such a thing as channeling too much Christmas spirit?? Are we in danger of spontaneously erupting in mistletoe or something?

Update: 8:20pm Good opening day...

Saturday, December 03, 2005


It's snowing right now. Big flakes falling straight down --the Christmas card/snow globe/ as seen on TV -- kind of snow. The kind that makes you think of your favorite carols and hum along. And we are baking cookies today.

I think I may be trapped in a Norman Rockwell painting.... I'm going to check the liquor cabinet and make sure we have supplies to get us through.

I got my room back!

And no, I am not talking about my bedroom.

The one room in the house that I call my own is the kitchen. It is the one place that I feel absolutely confident and comfortable and there I can always make things right with the world. It is my sanctuary, and though it is small and imperfect, it is the one space where I truly feel at my best and where I go to seek peace and restore my sanity. (Such as it is....) The kitchen is my room -- my favorite place in the house.

Right after we moved in I picked out the color (well, admittedly my Mother helped after my idea to paint the kitchen a "nice warm terra cotta" turned out "Denver Bronco Orange" -- Whoops! Now it is a lovely shade of garnet/ tomato bisque). And in it I have many things that make me feel happy just looking at them... For example, hanging on the wall near the stove is the little red gingham apron my Nonny made for me when I was a little girl (white ric-rac and everything!). On a shelf nearby is her biscuit cutter/donut maker.

There are Chili Pepper Christmas lights strung where curtains should probably be. And the windows are filled with all kinds of pretty glass baubles and things to catch the light as well as many fun things the girls have made for me in "art." It's a menagerie of doo-dads that cast rainbow hues in the afternoon sunlight and make me smile.

Tacky? Maybe. But I don't care. My only real gripe has been the size of the refrigerator. Less than 60 inches tall and wedged in under custom cabinetry it has been the pebble in my shoe the past two years. Too small to do the job that I need it to do. No place to put a bigger one. Until this week that is... We have been doing some much needed remodeling -- and I was surprised as how disconcerting it was to have my "space" over taken. (Even when they were much needed improvements that were my idea to begin with!)

Because I can, I've got pictures.

At any rate, I got my Room back today. And I love it. I may never leave!

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Funny for Thursday

Well, it made me chuckle......

An elephant is walking through the jungle when he comes across a naked man standing in a clearing.

The elephant slowly looks the man up and down and says, How the hell do ya feed yourself with that ?


A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting:

"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being?

It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, and all in the name of humor!"

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little shit on your knee."

h/t L&Dal :)